A little cheer went around the DFA team chat following the appointment of Australia’s Governor-General Sam Mostyn in July 2024. 

In addition to celebrating her professional and advocacy achievements, our team was also celebrating the fact that she grew up in a Defence family, with her father serving in the Royal Australian Signal Corps.

In a Defence News story, Ms Mostyn said of her time growing up:

“It’s an important part of my life. I got to learn a lot about Defence housing and Defence families.

“There were a few funny things growing up. We were always doing ‘recces’ for everything, nothing was left to chance. 

“We were always early for everything, and our shoes had to be polished and shiny. There’s a lot learned there that are lessons for life.”

Our team loved that the Governor-General chose to embrace the valuable skills and habits formed growing up in a Defence household. 

We hope other families take comfort in knowing the challenges our own kids face can be a source of strength, resilience and leadership one day.

One of our own team members, National Delegate for Victoria and Tasmania, Ashley, also grew up in a military family, and shared some of her insights with us:

“My parents met when they were both serving in the Air Force. I have my own little military family now, as the partner of a current-serving Navy member.

Growing up, our shoe-polishing kit was the stuff of legends. 

I remember, as a teenager, Dad deciding that my school shoes were inexcusably scuffed, so he polished them for me. I was mortified to discover that the shoes were now parade-standard shiny, which was deeply uncool at the time. 

On Sundays, my mum would sit down in front of a movie to iron every single thing that had been washed that week (a habit that I have absolutely not carried into my adult life). 

I was also the only girl at school whose dad could be relied on for a perfectly pressed blouse if Mum was away.

I may have resisted the parade gloss as a teenager, and I may not choose to iron my handkerchiefs flat as an adult, but I learned from my parents’ service that personal presentation matters. I also learned what you need in the perfect shoe-maintenance kit!

We were always early for everything; there was no excuse for being late. We had family friends who were reliably half an hour late to everything, and it bothered my parents so much that they started telling them everything started half an hour earlier to get them to arrive on time.

As an adult, I still feel anxious if I am not 10 minutes early for everything, which is a habit that my own children constantly challenge. I learned that people’s time is precious, and being on time is a way I can show that I respect that.

No house we ever moved into after my parents left the RAAF ever met their standard of cleanliness. 

I still remember Mum complaining every time and often re-cleaning before things were moved in, especially the inside of cupboards. 

As a Defence partner who has moved many times, I am incredibly grateful that I never have to do a white-glove inspection when I leave a property, but I’ve also never had a tenant charge from Defence Housing Australia (DHA) because I learned how to clean to a standard.

We never had grandparents or aunts and uncles nearby for babysitting duties; Mum and Dad’s friends from work would have us when my folks needed to go somewhere at night. 

Those “friends from work” were everywhere; no matter where we moved, Mum and Dad seemed to know people, even after they both left service.

Now that I have my own Defence kids who sometimes need care outside of school hours, I am so grateful that I have a circle of friends within the Defence community who are always willing to lend a hand if I need it. 

I learned that people are wonderful, and sometimes the best support is from the family you choose, not the one you are born into.

There were definitely quirks that came with being part of a Defence family, but my experience as a kid was different to that of my own children. 

We didn’t move much; Dad stayed where the Hercules aircraft were based, and as a purchasing clerk it was easy for my mum to be co-located. By contrast my nine year-old is about to move to his eighth home. 

My parents served in a time of relative peace and stability in the world; Dad spent a little time in Darwin and Malaysia here and there, but my parents never did long deployments. 

I learned that everyone’s time in service is different, depending on the service they join, the job they do, the government that is in power, and notably, it depends on world events at any given time. 

I learned that you can’t possibly “know what you are getting yourself into”, and that even when you think you do, you never know how you will handle it. 

For this reason, I think it is crucial to respect and acknowledge the diversity of experiences within our community, and understand that there can be no one-size-fits all solution to family support.”

Images in this story are from the DFA 2022 Family Photography Project. Thank you to the families who participated for sharing their stories.